Your Stories

TRICIA'S STORY

          What started as a dream, has become so much more.  James died on Saturday 11/12/2005.   He was pronounced dead at 3:41pm...  I thought that my life with James was over, but that is so far from the truth.  James had this 6th sense that used to amaze me.  He knew things and would always try to get me to learn them.  I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be staring at the walls.  I could feel this presence with us.  He always asked me if I "could feel it too?"  I could and told him yes.  He knew he was not going to live to be old, he was only 39 when he died, and he used to tell me that he wanted me to get used to being alone.  I used to think that it was because he was going on a trip for work, or ???  I NEVER thought that it could possibly be because he KNEW that his life was near its end.  I now believe that it was James trying to prepare me for all that has happened since he died.   

          James presence has been with me since he left his physical body.  The first few nights after James died, there was a chill in the house that I could not overcome.  I saw the blinds waving from the winds and the windows were not open.  I knew that James was still in the house with me and was worried that he would be Earth Bound.  I often smelled James, not cologne, but his smell when he died.  I found comfort in it and realized that he was right next to me. 

          One month and 11 days after James died I had a dream that James was alive.  He and I were in a house in a bedroom watching tv.  There were other people in the house that I did NOT recognize.  I know that this was a dream.  The very next night was my first of many visits.  I thought that I was dreaming, but quickly realized that I was awake, in a state more like a cloud covering my eyes.  James was beautiful as he walked down the hall and hugged me.  I remember my first question to James was "I thought that you were dead?"  He answered, "I am".  I didn't believe it, but knew in my heart that he was telling the truth.  We proceeded our conversation with me asking him if he had wanted to die?  "NO," it was such a definite NO that when thinking about it I can still hear his voice.  He then told me how he died and that he was ALWAYS going to be with me.  So far this is true.  We (the family) didn't know why James had died, so I asked for an autopsy to be done.  Everything that James told me on his first visit was written in the autopsy.  I did not receive the autopsy report until nearly 3 months after he died.

          Since this first visit, James has been with me.  I hear him call my name and often feel his touch on my hand.  I had asked him to show me a sign so that I would always know that it was "my James" with me.  He often has other "friends" with him and I have been able to pass along messages to others who are grieving, from the loss of their loved ones.  It amazes me that James is so active on the other side.  His energy has calmed quite a bit from when he first died.  I remember when I got a roommate, I literally felt James lay his whole body over mine that first night.  His energy was so strong that I had a hard time breathing.  I know that he was just trying to protect me.  In life he was very protective of those he loved, so I knew he would be the same in death.  I know that for at least the first month he was Earth Bound and always at my side.  Some days I could feel his energy and the weight and the sadness inside of him.  I still feel sadness from time to time, but it is more from others than from James. 

          I had many thoughts of things that James had done while he was alive.  I could feel how sorry he was and how he wanted us to know that he felt bad.  The thoughts were like a movie in my mind.  I would close my eyes and watch it roll.  Knowing that if I forgave him, he would be able to move on, I had a ritual of lighting a candle, and telling James "I know you are sorry baby, I forgive you."  He also had to have my mother tell him that she forgave him.  When we asked her to do this she thought we were kidding..  She had NO idea of what needed to be forgiven, neither did I, I just knew it had to be done.  She leaned over his coffin and said "I forgive you James" and I could feel his energy soften.  Every time I was able to forgive him, even for the petty things that we all are guilty of, I could feel him lighten up. 

          Shortly after the visits, the OBE's started..  I have NOT "mastered" these yet, as I am terrified of heights and every time I feel myself being lifted higher and higher I try to touch the ground with my foot.  I love the fast feeling of taking off, but I am still not used to the height thing.  I know that I have others with me as I am flying through the roof and into the night, but usually can not see a face, except for James.  It is always his face that I look for, as I know that with him, I am safe.

          My best friend, Jeanna has had many visits from James as well.  Jeanna is psychic and I always knew this, so it did not surprise me that James went to her first to let me know that he was alright.  He sent me a sign by putting a "Hunter Green" scarf around my neck.  I knew it was him for he was buried in a "Hunter Green" casket and it was his favourite colour.  I often feel and hear James helping to guide me along my life.  I know that he will always be here when I need him most.  When I am my saddest, the phone will ring, usually it is Jeanna....  We end up talking for hours. 

          I knew when I was younger that I had some kind of psychic sense as I had a neighbour that had killed himself.  Shortly after his death, I woke up to him sitting on the end of my bed.  He was smiling at me for what seemed an hour, which was really just seconds.  I knew that it was his way of telling me "I am alright"...  I knew from that point forward that I would have some psychic connections in my future.  I often get calls from my mother to tell me something and before she can speak, I know exactly what she is going to tell me and vice versa.  I feel that these abilities are coming from my mothers side.  I also have this same connection with Jeanna.  It is this incredible connection and we can feel each other in pain, only to call and say, "what's going on??" 

          For a while after James died, I did not try to even think, much less practice my abilities, but now I know that I am ready and that James is asking me to do this for it will help my soul to grow.  I know that I have 2 guides that are helping me to develop my gifts.  Julia and James (not my James) are the two that I am aware of.  I am reading everything and asking so many questions from others that have psychic gifts.  I want to be sure that I am right when I am relaying messages.  Of course I know little about these people that I have been able to communicate for and to.  I always am amazed at how accurate things are that I get.

          A few months back I rode through this intersection and felt like someone was trying to pull my body from the car.  I could hear these little cries and screams.  When I got to work I looked online and sure enough, over the weekend there were 4 people killed at this intersection.  I then allow myself to listen, feel and hear what they were trying to ask of me.  One of the little girls had asked me to tell her sister "not to worry, they were all ok"....  Her sister had survived the crash and I was able to find her and relay this message.  She told me that she knew that she was going to get a message; she just did NOT know that it would be that soon.

          I know that the fog I used to walk around in, post James death is lifting so quickly now and I am able to feel and hear what I am suppose to be listening for.  I love this gift and hope to be able to better develop it.  Unfortunately down here in Palm Beach, FL, there are not many groups or studies to join.  If I could find one I would definitely go and join. 

          I used to think that I could wait for tomorrow for the things that I KNEW needed my immediate attention.  Now I KNOW that these things cannot wait.  I need to do it now.  I found amazing information online.  I also made wonderful connections and friendships with people that prior to James I did not know.  I am learning so very much and know that I am on the verge of something big here.  I feel like I am just where I am supposed to be today.  I never felt like this before.  I never felt that my life needed so much, but it does. 

          I have journals that I write all of my visits and feelings into.  I always want to make sure that I do NOT forget things that I KNOW I am suppose to be remembering.  I am meditating and growing and learning.  This is all that I can do for now.  I hope and pray that the things I have gone through can help others some day.  I have a many messages written down, some of the things have already come to pass, others are still to come.  I just know now that I am not alone and that James, although he is no longer here in flesh, he is here in spirit.

                                               Hugs to all,

                                                    Trish